I have included three songs in my upcoming new title, Food for the Table: Christ our Real Food (A Book of Blogs). You can click here to listen to the above, entitled Jealous Keeping. 

In the year 2019, my heartstrings were really being pulled. I struggled with familial loyalties while living far from my family. It was a really tough experience because I had no real assurance that I would return to them. I only had a faint whisper that I probably would return at some time down the track, but how long that would be was anyone’s guess. Yet throughout my struggle, the Lord continually encouraged me that I was right where He wanted me.

God used that trying experience to reveal the depths of His desire to own me completely. One hundred per cent. Whilst ever I was torn between loyalties, not only was it emotionally agonising for me, but I could not be totally given over to the Lord. My heart and mind were forever wandering, and I continually sensed God’s drawing to bring me in closer; to make me more dependent upon Him. He wanted me all to Himself.

That was a hard lesson and a painful one. Throughout many prayers and tears, I desired to lean into Him and let Him have His way. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.

The above song, ‘Jealous Keeping’, came from a prayer time during those days when my husband Derek was praying with me. It wasn’t a song automatically, but a prayer. In the beginning, I forced myself to pray the words many, many times. You see, my spirit was willing. I wanted to be aligned with God’s will more than anything else, more than my emotions and heart loyalties. It was time to deny all those things to let the Lord have His place in my life, heart, and devotions. His place must be the first place at all times, which was truly being tested in me.

The more I made myself pray these words, the more they gripped my heart. The deeper they sank into my soul and eventually, my soul started to respond. I noticed that the pain in my heart lessened over time, and it was easier to breathe. I could think of my family free from the agony and guilt of leaving them. I began to rise above the circumstances and walk in the Spirit’s ascendancy.

I’m confident this same lesson will come around again, only on an even deeper level. I realise now that God knows when we are not fully devoted, even if we don’t. He wants all of us, you see, not 99 per cent.

The jealousy of God is real. He says of Himself, that He is a jealous God. God’s jealousy is for His people to be wholly His and He has desired this from the beginning. He is jealous over us, as a mother over her children; His jealousy is holy and pure. His jealousy is a righteous jealousy. We are most blessed to be so desired by Him that He should be jealous over us.

I pray this prayer song will minister to you today and that in all of us, our wonderful and deserving God and Father, and Lord Jesus Christ, will have our whole heart, our full devotion, our life, our all.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were a present far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

– Isaac  Watts, (1707)

for you shall not worship any other god, because the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God Exodus 34:14, NASB

For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:2, NLT

Then Joshua warned the people, “You are not able to serve the LORD, for he is a holy and jealous God. He will not forgive your rebellion and your sins. Joshua 24:19, NLT

For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.  Deuteronomy 4:24, BSB